Blog, Crunchy Mama, life, motherhood, parenting, Pregnancy

why i hate making mom friends

Deep in my soul I crave this wonderful, easy-going friendship that isn’t long distance or strained, where my friend and I are able to see each other often and our kids play well together.

What reality gives me is sometimes a super close, amazing friend and our conversations flow without any work, and our parenting styles are similar, or we have similar life experiences, and it just works out perfect, then we never see each other again due to moving, new jobs, or just being busy constantly. 😒

Sometimes life gives me a “learning lesson” friend, who is either in my life to teach me something or learn from me. These friends tend to stick around maybe 1-3 months and our friendships are usually too good seeming to be true or are extremely strained.

For example, I knew a girl in high-school, we were good friends but she was constantly in trouble and my mom wanted me to stay away from her, so I did, until I was 6 months postpartum and I saw she just had her son. It had been like 3 years, but I added her on Facebook, we set up a mom date, and it was like our friendship had blossomed and we got along wonderfully. I referred her to a chiropractor for her sweet boy who had been injured during birth, and once he was no longer in pain, it’s as if our friendship fizzled out. She was having some troubles with family and her boyfriend, and she eventually stopped talking to me and moved to a different city. It was really unfortunate to let it go, but I guess looking back it was best to just let things fade naturally instead of awkwardly trying to strike up conversation when it was clear she’d rather not talk or was busy. I think I came into her life again just so she could take her son to my chiropractor, he started thriving after those adjustments, so I’m happy my influence was positive.

When I see some moms, I get extremely intimidated and being around them is terrifying for me, like I feel completely overwhelmed and have no idea how to be normal in those moments. I get clammy, my voice changes a little, and I can’t make eye contact or avoid topics I know may be uncomfortable. 😣 I hate doing that, but it’s as if I know I shouldn’t, so I do, and those topics spill out like a geyser. 🤭 I’m so worried they don’t like me, that I pretty much guarantee they will stop liking me by being a nervous spaz.

There are the moms who are very uptight in their ways and our parenting styles clash, badly. I can’t talk to them about much without it stirring a pot, and it’s really challenging to maneuver around their feelings on damn near every single topic, so I just leave sooner than expected and say to myself “Nope, not that mom.” I’m not gonna dance around everything to keep around someone who can never be pleased and will be judging me throughout the history of our “friendship”, if it can even be called that. These moms usually are also in their own bubbles with their cliques and never invite you out for girls night but will see you when they are desperate for company. 🤷‍♀️

Other moms, I get along with pretty well, but we’ll go anywhere from 1-6 months without seeing each other due to whatever circumstance it is at the moment, either no transportation, time, family issues, illness, etc. I want to meet up with them, but it’s just a lot of work or constantly inconvenient for one if not both of us.

I wish making friends (not just moms) could be easier but at least when I make true ones we have each other’s backs forever.

Also, where do you moms meet other moms? I know the occasional ones from school or teen mom groups, but aside from that I just don’t meet any. It’s not like I run into one in the grocery store or something and start conversations like it’s nothing. And at church all the other moms are like wayyyyy older than I am, like 30 and up, I feel like they will think I’m not good enough to be their friend since I’m not even 20 yet. Is this normal?

If you’re a 25+ year old mom, would you hangout with a 19 year old mom if our kids are a similar age or we have some important (to us) things in common? TIA 💖

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