Before becoming a mom, I thought motherhood was pretty easy. I imagined being a stay at home parent similar to being Cinderella once she moved into the castle. Everything would be done before my loving husband came home, my child would always be bathed before bed, my laundry was never taking over my house like it’s an entity, and I would always be full of energy and motivation. I also felt like I would feel 1000000% fulfilled and appreciated because, helloooooo, I’m RAISING a mini adult to be the best person they can be. Why wouldn’t I feel like a rockstar every day? Well, once my son was born I realized the harsh realities of parenting and how almost no decision is uncomplicated.
That being said, as I started making parenting choices, I was reminded by my family, friends, and yes even Facebook of how much of a 180 I’ve done since actually birthing my child. So this begins, NEVER Will I EVER – Mom Edition.
- Never will I ever let my infant/young toddler watch TV.
I still laugh out loud at this one. I was so sure I wouldn’t sit my child in front of the screen so I could shower, clean or cook. I seriously thought I’d have magic powers keeping my sweet boy occupied while I tried to squeeze housework, online jobs, and taking care of myself into such a short time frame. “No screen time til TWO!” I used to say when my grandparents tried watching TV around my newborn. He was watching about an hour or two a day by the time he was 4 months. Not saying I did the best thing, trust me, I know I didn’t, there is moderation though, and I really don’t think I could handle his constant destruction and getting into mischief without a distraction for him. Sorry not sorry, he’s a troublemaker and he thinks it’s hilarious.
2. Never will I ever breastfeed.
Yep. I was totally convinced breastfeeding is nasty and boobs are entirely sexual for most of my teen years, I wouldn’t even consider nursing until I was halfway through pregnancy, even then I almost gave up anyway about a half dozen times. Now look at me, the mother of an almost 15 month old and still nursing him anywhere from 3 to 8 times a day depending on his mood or if he’s getting sick. Younger me would be disgusted but present me is proud a’f that I made it to 6 months, and now well over a year through a traumatic birth, two surgeries (I had to pump & dump a couple days after each one), DMER, PPD, and low supply issues.
3. Never will I ever stray from my birth plan!
If only this sh*t had actually been reality. Your body and your baby don’t have a plan, clock, or want to be pushed into every box you check on the paper. They do what they want and when, you just either get lucky or don’t. I wanted an epidural, it failed. I wanted to go into labor without induction, but my water broke with no dilation for over 48 hours, so that option flew out the window. I wanted immediate skin to skin but my child wasn’t breathing so he had to be worked on, and when he was fine I didn’t want to hold him because I was scared to associate the pain of getting stitched up with my son. It sucks when you don’t have this beautiful, perfect birth, but that doesn’t mean you failed.
4. Never will I ever let my infant sleep in their swing!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. That swing SAVED US. Bryce and I were in zombie parenting mode and eventually after hours and hours of acid reflux making Aiden scream, we had enough of trying to prop him in the co-sleeper bassinet and let him fall asleep in the swing. We even let him sleep in it overnight, and IT WORKED. For the first time he slept more than 4 hours (at 2 months), we got a full 7 hours of sleep in a row. 😍 We didn’t dare try to transition him to the crib either, we let him sleep in the wonderful contraption until he was 11 months and barely fit in it anymore. I will say there are some fears about letting babies who can’t hold their necks up sleep in the swing, same with carseats, you have to be safe, know your baby’s abilities and decide for yourself.
5. Never will I ever put my child on a LEASH.
This one gets me every time. I went OFF once when I saw a video advertising a little human harness on Facebook, legit freaked out and ranted to my equally upset fiance when I was 5 or 6 months pregnant. I said something like “Only bad parents who didn’t teach their kid to behave well enough would buy these, what lazy moms and dads, blah blah blah.” Now, as my little one races around the house, I’m terrified to let him walk in an actual store. This is a small part of why I mostly buy most stuff online 😁
But really, I am buying one of those adorable and practical leash backpacks ASAP so my hyper toddler can only run as far as I’ll let him in public.
6. Never will I ever swear in front of my child.
Well at least I had good intentions right? Sometimes I absolutely should use my self control and other times I hurt myself while chasing him around, and the occasional f bomb or s word drop out of my mouth unexpectedly. Whoops, at least I tried. 🤷
7. Never will I ever share straws, food, or touch anything germy.
Motherhood can be gross and it’s our job to mom-up, this includes using rectal thermometers on our fever running babies, cleaning up all sorts of foul-smelling, germy substances and yes even sharing food, utensils and all that stuff. I have literally picked up poop with my bare hands, actually I pried it out of my son’s hands as he attempted to eat it during bathtime, and flushed it, cleaned out his little tub and re-washed my toddler. I have cleaned half the bedroom after a diarrhea geyser from my tiny 5 day old when I made the mistake of changing him on my bed. I have also wiped the snot smeared across my little one’s face after a sicky sneeze. onto my freshly clean clothes because wipes and Kleenex aren’t always available and his onesie was too cute to dirty. Motherhood is tough but we are tougher.
8. Never will I ever give my child pre-made baby food, I will make it myself.
Part of this is due to giving Aiden organic, healthy foods, and little to no meat or dairy. I felt like a lot of baby food had unnecessary stuff, so I would just make it at home every single day. Well when your week is busier than Times Square and your patience is at the bare minimum, puree pouches are so helpful. Luckily more brands are making organic and dairy/soy free baby foods than ever before, you can get an organic pouch anywhere from $1.79 to $0.99 depending on name or off brand and what flavor it is. I do make a lot of purees, but you have to remember to thaw them out the day you use them, plus buy stuff to store the purees in, and then of course buy everything you want in it and use before they go bad. It was a lot more work than I imagined. Now that Aiden has teeth we share a lot of whatever I make, so it’s easier than when he was 6 months, but pouches are still my go-to when we have to run errands. No shame, better than a screaming, starving child in the cart, right?
9. Never will I EVER give my child blah blah blah.
I said no sugar til two, well I made it to a year, now he gets some baby cookies and shares whatever I eat, including desserts (especially Starbucks frappes). I get almond milk, no whip and caffeine/coffee free stuff so honestly it will not hurt my kid, I limit his food a lot but I make exceptions sometimes because I’m a cool mom, kind of. I said he wouldn’t ever eat meat but here we are, sharing spaghetti. I also said he wouldn’t get annoying toys, that didn’t stick for long.
10. Never will I ever breastfeed, yell, cry, etc in public.
I have done all these things, and more, while dealing with new motherhood and honestly I regret none of it. I have nursed without a cover in a crowded location, I have dealt with condescending, ugly looks when my son throws a temper tantrum in the store or God forbid, walks on the store floors without shoes. I have cry-yelled at my husband to “just get me some G-D cherries” while very hormonal and pregnant, and I have broke down sobbing in the mall food court when my baby wouldn’t stay latched and refused a bottle out of frustration. When I hear moms say they feel like “shit moms” for losing it sometimes, it breaks my soul. We are strong and even the strongest people have moments they are super overwhelmed. Motherhood is exhausting, terrifying, and highly judged by literally everyone, especially family and other moms, but instead of focusing on what you didn’t get done this week, or what rude things people have said and done, remember who matters most, and that your little one(s) think you’re awesome most of the time and love you no matter what. You’re their idol, they’re your number 1 fans, and you’re doing the best you know how and are able to do. Treat yourself how you treat your mini-me and forgive yourself for the things you can’t take back or control. ❤